"theonion:  SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. ""Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],"" Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive's duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. ""Whoops, there I go again. I must've spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I'm really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint]."" Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep.: Dazed Jeff Bezos Realizes  He Spent Entire Conversation  Thinking About How To Automate  Person Talking To Him theonion:  SEATTLE—Suddenly snapping back to attention, a dazed Jeff Bezos reportedly realized Thursday that he had spent an entire conversation thinking about how to automate the person talking to him. ""Sorry, could you repeat that? I just lost focus for a second [as I indifferently watched you open and close your mouth, becoming increasingly aware of the fact that a simple machine could do the exact same things as you],"" Bezos said to the Amazon vice president in front of him, even as he resumed brainstorming a complex algorithm that would streamline the executive's duties, perform them with greater speed and efficiency, and possibly even capture some of his unique human qualities to make it user-friendly. ""Whoops, there I go again. I must've spaced out [after realizing I could probably render you completely irrelevant within just a few years]. I guess I'm really distracted today [by the tantalizing thought of an automaton executing every one of your relevant functions for no salary with never a single complaint]."" Bezos, who suddenly recalled a series of vivid dreams from the previous night in which he automated the entire American workforce, went on to apologize for not getting much sleep."
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