"4. Dwight Howard  Congratulations, Dwight! You're a Laker now. And all you had to do to become one was spend months making vague demands of the Orlando Magic and then backtracking on those demands like a spineless pussy until every American hated your guts and wanted to see you fail. ""I'll stay in Orlando if you fire my coach! Or maybe I won't. Or maybe you could fire the coach and then build a statue of me made out of frozen butter. NO WAIT TRADE ME TO BROOKLYN NO WAIT DON'T TRADE ME THERE BECAUSE I THOUGHT BROOKLYN WAS MORE CONVENIENT TO MANHATTAN THAN IT ACTUALLY IS."" In a just world, Dwight Howard will hurt his knee and doctors will take seventeen months to make a proper diagnosis."
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